Koala Mask’s Weekly Wrestle Awards

Here’s the best that the wrestles had to offer (in GIF form) this week. Enjoy!

 

Best Human Skateboard: Big E Langston

Cesaro goes Big E boarding

 

Best Superkick: Tamina

Unrack that woman!

 

Best Superkickee: Nikki Bella’s Face

Tamina is still scraping Bella off her boot

 

Worst Dancer: Sweet Tensai Tea

With the style and grace of Brodus Clay

 

Worster Dancer: Michael “GDYC” Cole

The white is strong with this one

 

Best Suicide Slide: Rey Mysterio

The suicide flop

 

Best Piñata: John Cena

Jerry was right, just like a piñata

Best Rollup: AJ Lee

Ultra Rollup &gt; Sharp Shooter<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
(naturally this version is hosed because tumblr, click here for a better version.

 

 

Thanks to wrasslormonkey.tumblr.com for the GIFS.

How about that comic with the Platypus Ninja? Pretty good times, eh?

Randy Orton?

“Zombie” Randy Orton

It’s official, Zombiemania is here, and it begins with Randy Orton.

 The Zombie Strikes!

Like any good zombie, Orton was quick to begin spreading the Wrestlezombie ™ virus to other unfortunate members of the locker room, starting with his most formidable opponent, Daniel Bryan. And doing so was a smart move by Zombie Orton, or Zorton™. He knew that by infecting Daniel Bryan, that Bryan would then go on to infect his fiancee, Brie Bella, and if you infect one Bella, you infect all the Bellas. And with the Bellas now infected, it won’t be long until the rest of the Total Divas have been zombied (or even more so, Eva Marie), which will then lead to Zortan having control over a whole Wrestlezombiediva™ army, with Zombie Bryan by his side. And thus, the Wrestlezombiemania™ era begins.

Zombie Revenge!

But before all that, Randy Ortan can enjoy being the first ever (sorry Jericho, WWE history hates you) Unified WWE World Undisputed Heavyweight Champion Of The World. I think that’s the name they decided on for the title. Close enough.

Yay Belts!

But winning the title at TLC is not the reason Orton has earned his place in the Best Wrestler Ever (This Week) column, he earned his place by not boring me to death for the first time in ever. Seriously, I have never, ever been a Randy Orton fan. I don’t think he’s terrible, in fact he’s quite good at what he does. I’ve just never had an interest in his character, or his skin coloured t-shirts, or any of his matches. His wrestling, when with the right partner, can be exciting and enjoyable to watch, but for the most part he just looks uninspired and content to go through the motions. Just get in, get out and go home without separating any shoulders.

Fall like you mean it!

Fortunately for him, and for us, along came Daniel Bryan, who has unlocked Orton’s wrestling spirit, and given some life to what was once a hollow shell of a wrestler. Bryan, who can bring out the best in just about any opponent he faces, has brought something exciting out of Orton, something that I honestly didn’t believe he had in him. Usually when Orton picks up a mic and begins his monotone over explanation of why blah blah blah vipers blah blah RKO, I instantly zone out and start thinking about something else, like where Big E Langston gets those amazing button up shirts, or whether Mark Henry will be able to save Christmas this year (Spoilers! He did. Christmas is back on!), but now when Orton speaks he does so with purpose, with emotion, with the feels. Instead of acting like an overly tanned snake man, Orton’s character has begun to evolve into, well, a character. He has become like this insecure, little boy, trying his darndest to keep the Authority in his corner. He’s begun to realize that he’s not as in control of his destiny as he once believed himself to be, and that he’s not capable of keeping his title around his waist if the Authority isn’t behind him.

This leads us to last night’s match on Raw against Daniel Bryan. It was AWESOME! Maybe their best match together yet. In the end, after being outwrestled and outmatched  by Bryan, and with no sign of being bailed out by the Authority, Orton resorted to a cowardly (but clever) low blow to Bryan, which was sold beautifully by all three men in the ring, to get himself disqualified and keep his title for at least one more day.

My Goats!

And so, by taking all the bumps at TLC, by not being the most boring performer ever, and by getting kicked to near death by Daniel Bryan, Orton has earned the honor(?) of being The Best Wrestler Ever (This Week).

Now, enjoy watching Bryan kick, dive, and bite Orton into the New Year. Starting after this:

OK starting now:

 

 

Thanks to wrestling-giffer.tumblr.com for the GIFS!

Oi! go read TMATP why don’t you!

The Dazzler And Ninja Regal

The Dazzler And Ninja Regal

 

The Dazzler

  • From: Ninjadeen, Washington
  • Signature Move: Board Break
  • Beard: Yes
  • Weakness: Beard Trimmer

Ninja Regal

  • From: Ninjapool, England
  • Signature Move: Board Retrieval
  • Beard: No
  • Weakness: Nipple

 

 

 

As always, thanks to Tumblr for the GIFS. Click ’em! And don’t forget, read comics!

Shinsuke Nakamura: He Will Knee Your Knees Off!

Best Wrestler Ever (This Week): Shinsuke Nakamura

 


He will also kick your head off, like he did here to Hirooki Goto. Either way.

 

Shinsuke Nakamura is a Japanese professional wrestler, currently working in New Japan Pro Wrestling. He is the current two-time IWGP Intercontinental Champion and former three-time IWGP Heavyweight Champion. And many other champions. Basically the dude is a champion.

 

Why He’s The Best Wrestler Ever (This Week)

 

That’s why!

 

I was lucky enough to see him perform live at a house show in Gifu, Japan, just a few weeks back. While the show itself was nothing to phone home about, just pretty standard house show stuff, but fun nonetheless, there was one standout, Shinsuke Nakamura. Out of all the great wrestlers who performed that night, Nakamura really stood out. His strange mannerisms and unique wrestling style set him apart from many wrestlers. He has a certain charisma which a lot of wrestlers are missing.
His performance was the most memorable of the night for me. And he instantly became my new favourite wrestler.

 

Best Move: Boma Ye (Basically he knees his usually kneeling opponent’s face off)

 

 

Other Best Move: Weird Shaky Foot Choke In The Corner

I don’t know the name of the move but I love it when he chokes his opponent in the corner with his foot and does a crazy body gyration thing. It’s weird and pointless and I love it.
Somebody gif that, please! So…ah…here’s this instead:

 


Sometimes it doesn’t work out so well.

 

Best Match/Rivalry: Nakamura vs. Tanahashi

 

 

There’s a plethora to choose from. But probably his IWGP Heavyweight Title match against Tanahashi where he busted out a Samoan Driver off the top rope. Pretty good!

 

Best Beef Bowl Commercial:

 

What the what?

As always, thanks to Tumblr for the GIFS. Click ’em! And don’t forget, read comics!