Guitar Claw! Chainsaw Butt! Breast Swords! Head Hands! Floating Decapitated Head Cake! That’s right, it’s Mutant Girls Squad!
Welcome to Wrestling With Movies, where I watch a movie that stars, or at least features in some manner a pro wrestler, and talk about it! Why? I DON’T KNOW! It’s pretty fun, I guess. Ring the bell! It’s time to wrestle!
The Movie: Mutant Girls Squad (Original Title: Sentō Shōjo: Chi no Tekkamen Densetsu, which translates to “Fighting Girls: Legend of the Blood of the Iron Mask”)
The Wrestler: Hikaru Shida – God of Ass
The Plot (SPOILERS)
Oh lord! How should I put this? Skinny, awkward high school girl, Rin, played by Yumi Sugimoto, turns 16 and learns she’s a bit of a mutant. Her parents are extremely killed to death by mutant hating soldiers with nose guns, which leads to the awakening of Rin’s mutant abilities – Her hand becomes Freddy Kruger’s glove knives, with metal guitar strings (?). Grief stricken and rightfully peeved off, Rin “mistakenly” KILLS AN ENTIRE SHOPPING DISTRICT! Skipping ahead, Rin joins up with a group of fellow mutants, one of whom is played by Hikaru Shida, who are in training to “kill all humans,” as you do.
Then, lots of people and mutants explode, lose limbs, get cut into pieces, die, and fall butthole first onto swords. Finally, Rin realizes that the transvestite samurai mutant squad leader is kind of a dick, and decides that all this killing maybe isn’t so great, so she rallies together her two mutant-girl pals and they attempt to put an end to all the mutant/human violence. Basically, it’s X-Men, with more Boob Swords. (For a more detailed, less crappy plot outline, go here.)
The Quick Review
Suffice to say, this film is not for everyone. It is bloody! But fun bloody. I guess it’s in the genre of Horror Comedy, or Comedy Gore, or Goromedy, or Horroremedy Gore. I don’t know. There’s just a lot of blood, decapitations and sliced off limbs, exploding heads and countless more creatively gruesome kills. Oh, and it’s funny too. Despite the horrifically violent acts, the film has a wonderful sense of humour about itself, and is actually really well made, I mean for a garbage movie. And don’t kid yourself, this feel is garbage, but the best kind of garbage. It’s just one ridiculously over the top gross out scene after the other, but it’s filmed in such a fun, briskly paced manner that it’s hard not to enjoy.
The special effects are spectacularly bad, but also very charming in their shoddiness, and the acting is scenery chewing at its finest. All subtlety was left at the door, where it belongs.
Mutant Girls Squad is a trash movie full of gore and gross out humour, and it’s wonderful.
The High Points
- Obviously, girl who can produce a fully functioning chainsaw from her butt was a major high point of the film. These are certainly not your mamma’s mutants. Other great mutant powers include girl whose head has hands, girl with boob swords, girl with sword arms, belly dancer girl with a face for a stomach, and girl with red circle on her face. Yes, her power is that she can produce a red circle on her face. She can also sing and dance, but I don’t think that’s a mutant related skill.
- The humour. As I mentioned, the MGS has a great sense of humour. I mean, it’s completely dumb humour, which when done badly can be the worst thing. Fortunately, MGS is the best kind of dumb.
- The scene early on in the film where Rin absolutely commits shopping district genocide out of grief and a simple misunderstanding is fantastically choreographed, and gleefully gruesome. Probably my favourite part of the film.
- Not to be forgotten is Rin’s dream sequence where she is visited by her recently deceased parents. Her dad has been reduced to a floating head on a birthday cake.
The Low Points
- Could’ve done with a bit more blood.
The Fun Facts
The movie is actually directed by three different directors who each direct their own part of the movie. It’s like three short films whacked together, except the films all show a different sequence of the same story. Also, one of the directors, Tak Sakaguchi, plays the role of the crazy transvestite samurai mutant leader, Kisaragi.
While perusing DailyMotion for some good ol’ puro action, I stumbled across some recent Hikaru Shida matches and was immediately taken with Shida. Her wrestling style is fun, and she has a natural charm that which makes her very engaging to watch. As I do every time I discover and fall in love with a wrestler who I don’t know anything about, I took to the internet to learn more. I discovered that before becoming a pro wrestler, Shida was an actress, and a part of a Japanese idol group. Interestingly, she got into wrestling when she played the role of a wrestler in the movie “Three Count,” which also stars veteran female wrestler Emi Sakura. Shida loved playing the role of a wrestler so much that she decided to try it out for real. She was trained by Sakura and joined the Ice Ribbon promotion in 2008. Since then, she’s gone on to hold major titles in Ice Ribbon, Pro Wrestling Wave, and Reina. Also, she may be the God of Ass. Or at least the God of Ass’s favourite disciple.
This is the match that immediately made me a fan:
While reading up on Shida, I also saw the movie Mutant Girls Squad listed in her filmography. Intrigued by the title, I found the movie on Hulu, and here we are.
Shida’s role in the film is quite small. She is a part of the mutant girl group, and only has a few lines. Her mutant ability is a weird one, and this is a movie that has a girl with a retractable anus chainsaw. I don’t even really get her ability. She just holds the head of her brother, which I think is attached to her with tentacles.
Though the role is small, Shida does a solid job. She may even “blow you away!” *wink
The Moral of The Story
Um…people are bad, but so are mutants, until they realize being bad is bad and decide to be good and help humans, but the humans are ungrateful jerks who can’t be helped?
Or…don’t wait, decapitate! Don’t cry, stab an eye.
Or…Boob swordz lol
Or…damned if I know. It’s just 90 minutes of craziness.
The Recommendation: Tastefully trashy. 4 Koala Heads 🐨🐨🐨🐨
You can Mutant Girls Squad on Hulu here, or somewhere else!