DDT is weird, OK? But it’s the best possible weird. The purpose of What To Expect When Expecting To Watch DDT is to give newcomers to the wonderful world of Dramatic Dream Team a little idea of what they can expect to see on any given show. If you’re already a DDT fan, then you know what I’m talking about, so you can just read a long for fun. Click here for previous instalments of What to Expect When Expecting.
Pictured above: Super Sasadango Machine. Bamboo Leaf Wrapped Mochi Wrestler
When you think of great minds in man’s and woman’s history, you probably think of people like Aristotle, Socrates, Phoenix Wright, Dr. Mario, Queen Amidala, that great Sicilian, Vizzini. There is one man, however, that makes each and every aforementioned person look like a completely dumb idiot. That man is Super Sasadango machine.
I used to hate PowerPoint presentations, giving them and watching them, until Super Sasadango Machine came along and changed my life forever. Before big time matches against formidable foes, the unparalleled strategist, Super Sasadango Machine, lays out his game plan for the DDT audience in the form of a PowerPoint presentation. Yes, before a match, he tells us, and assumedly his opponent who is waiting to make his or her entrance, exactly what he’s planning to do, how he will do it, and why. His presentations include fascinating facts about his opponents, their strengths and weaknesses, power levels, the amount of damage certain moves will inflict, and so on.
Like that doesn’t sound great enough, his presentations often have the most wonderfully absurd titles, such as “A Discussion Of The Tag Team Championship Challenges And Work-life Balance By A 37-Year-Old Duo,” and “How To Eliminate The Disparity Problem In The World Of Professional Wrestling.”
Despite his carefully crafted presentations on what in theory should be foolproof plans, in practice, they don’t always play out so well. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of his strategies work out as planned, and you know what, that doesn’t even matter one single bit. Because I’ve never had so much fun watching wrestling than when I’ve been blessed with a SSM PowerPoint presentation and subsequent disastrous match, my favourite of which is his epic battle against Kazushi Sakuraba from Saitama Super DDT 2015. PowerPoint? Check! Defensive banana peels? Check! Mid-match voice over monologue? Check! Check check check!
Oh, and one last, very important point that I would be remiss not to mention, Sasadango’s wrestling outfit comes complete with its very own title belt. Think about that. IT’S OWN TITLE BELT! Super Sasadango Machine, everybody.